Year 3 First Semester

you can actually realize that i seldom update my blog within these few months.
the updated posts are getting lesser and lesser.

all the subjects in this semester are killing me. International Relation the most annoying. (though i learnt a lot)
it basically covers Liberealism, Realism, Constructivism, Foreign Policy, International conflicts, cold war & arm race, international org (UN, EN), contemporary security issues, war, political alliance etc.

also the tutorial questions and assignments. something like democratic states will not fight each other, UN is not and never will be a world government, arab-israel conflict, US and SU Cuba missiles
few more questions to go.

i'm getting irritate.
Stop here.

well, seriously.
i have no time to allocate for all the nonsense and bullshits in my blog.
however the more i've gone through the more i find out about humanity.

yes, humanity.

it is either selfish or realist or constructivism
not trying to exclude myself in this so-called humanity as i practice my own lifestyle as well.
ego-defensive and sensitive.
but i always tend to forgive people yet i can't set myself free. it's like imprisoning myself.

i did well in control my emotion unless it is over my tolerance.
however i often exposed my emotions and feelings, everything shows in my face and i feel upset about these.
at first i was trying to hide but it is hard. so just let it be.
if you're considerate enough you will appreciate as instead of keeping everything inside i show you directly through my expression.

slowly understand that everyone practice their own life and no interference should be occurs between two person who share a different thought.
there is nothing right or wrong for ones' action or behavior. no right or wrong but it's just a choice.
we choose to be this way. it is just a decision.

yes  i went though a hard time before this, emotionally, and it affects me physically. now still.
barely have a good sleep as i'll wide awake in the middle of the night, most of the time or dreamed for the whole night long.

this scenario comes and goes.

sometimes i even have the urge to look for a psychiatrist.
sometimes i doubt that i need a psychiatrist. and so do i need?

whatever.
i don't care.