The Past Self

I often perceived the past self less favourably.

It doesn't mean that I'm pretty satisfied with myself currently, though I'm grateful with what I have today.

But sometimes,  I feel so reluctant to admit the past self. Probably because I think I can do better if I were given a chance, again.

When I was in my adolescence and early twenties, I don't think there's any problem I need to modify and improve. However, after some time when I'm now mid twenties and I look back, I feel so ashamed of myself, the weekness and all of the stupid unsuccessful attempts I made.

This is so terrible. It was like I was constantly trying to gut myself so I could replace myself with someone better. How I wish the past self was not me.

If I were better on that time, I will not err and be hurt.

Some says we were all growing up from the failures and dissatisfactions.

So I try my very best to accept my past self and avoid the feeling of contempt, also, never afraid of people judging me by knowing my past.

All I can do is bear in mind that our past actions and thoughts shaped today. We are not what we've been. I don't need to carry around the labels of mistakes from yesterday. I don't have to brand me, particularly not if I'm making the conscious choice to do things differently now.

On the other hand, it is not entirely a bad thing for me to dislike and getting rid of my past self. At least I will keep urging myself to act wisely from time to time.